Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
