you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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