Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
