I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
