Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
