whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
