i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
