I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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