last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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