hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
