suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
