do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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