I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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