Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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