Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
