I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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