I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
bring money and cleavage
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
