I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
