Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
