Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
