it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
