im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
