If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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