For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
