Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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