I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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