Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
