you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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