Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
