My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize