Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize