stop calling my apartment porn island.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
