So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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