When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
