and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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