you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
