very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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