So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pooping to opera.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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