Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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