You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
