260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
