Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
