He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
