i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
