so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
