:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
