my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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