even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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