I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
