Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
