Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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