Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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