he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
