his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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