Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize