just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
