My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
