Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
