Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize