miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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