Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You ruined the universe
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
