Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
