Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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