Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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