If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
