I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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